Null Pointer

Variations on a CWE28 Theme

The Tulip Field

Jim watched his toddlers navigating through a field of red tulips almost a tall as they were. His young family continued to enjoy the Tulip Festival, with Julianna, Hans, and their family serving as guides to the famed festival. He always enjoyed visiting with his cousin. He just wished they lived closer, so they could do it more often. Not that he had any room to complain – with his adoptive father’s resources, not to mention his great-uncle’s inheritance – Jim could visit whenever he chose to make the time, without considering the expense of trans-Atlantic travel.

Trixie came to stand beside him, sneaking an arm around his waist and leaning into him. “They’re so adorable. Have you taken a picture yet?”

“I haven’t,” Jim admitted, “but Julianna hasn’t stopped.” He tipped his head toward where his cousin was taking pictures of the festival and the toddlers.

“Good. We can get copies from her and focus on enjoying the festival.”

Jim flinched. Trixie knew him too well.

“Jim?” Trixie asked. Maybe her prior comment hadn’t been aimed at him?

Jim shook his head. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”

“Ah, yes, the famed Frayne ‘fine’,” Trixie snorted. “So, you’re feeling down about not getting to see Julianna and her family more often?”

Jim nodded. “And just the whole reality that our kids know their mom’s family – grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins – see them all the time, have close relationships that they’ll hopefully treasure their whole lives, but they’ll never get to meet most of their father’s family, and geography and age discrepancies means they won’t have the close relationships with what of my family they do know.”

“It isn’t fair,” she sympathized. “It’s not fair, Jim, how many gravestones you have while I still have living family. It’s not fair, but it’s not going to ruin our kids. You grew up without grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, et cetera, on either side, and you turned out okay. I think we both believe we’d be able to say you turned out fine, if not for your parents’ passing.”

“On both sides, so I had nothing to compare to, until I was much older. Our kids are going to know from such a young age that it’s different – my family vs. yours. They’re going to be faced with the truth of death, the unfairness of it, too soon.”

“We’re going to teach them that family is defined in love, not only blood. We’re going to teach them that adoption is a blessing. We’re going to teach them that love does not end at death. We’re going to teach them that unfairness doesn’t have the last word, as long as good, loving people hold on to optimism about the future.”

Jim nodded. “I know,” he sighed. “I do. I just wish they could stay here, in flowers and sunshine and happiness forever.”

Trixie gave him a half hug. “We all do. Parents, I mean. We want only good things for our kids, even though we know from experience that life isn’t actually unending good things. We wish, and we work as hard as we can to make it so, and then we prepare them to find their way back to good things when life goes wrong.”

“If you say we will teach them it’s okay to feel down, as long as they eventually take the time to reset and remember the reasons to feel optimistic, I’m going to think you’ve been talking to my therapist.”

Trixie giggled. “You’ve told me she’s been very helpful to you and she’s almost always right, so maybe taking her advice isn’t the worst thing you could do.”

Their daughters ran up to them before Jim could answer. “Daddy, daddy! Up!”

With a smile that didn’t feel forced, Jim scooped up his daughters. They were sunshine wrapped up in a whirlwind, just like their mama, and Jim wouldn’t give them up for anything in the world.