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The Greatest Mystery to Ever Go Unsolved

Police Chief Retires After 25 Years

By Paul Trent - Sleepyside-on-Hudson, New York

Wendell Molinson, Chief of the Sleepyside-on-Hudson Police Department, is retiring on July 30, after 25 years of service with a nearly unblemished record of crime-solving.

Though Chief Molinson is unwilling to state so publically, then-up-and-coming investigators Beatrix Helen Belden and Madeline G. Wheeler contributed greatly to his success while leading Sleepyside’s police force, which may explain why the greatest blemish to his record occurred while the two young women were away for the summer.

As many residents will recall, during Chief Molinson’s first summer as chief of police, the town was troubled by a prankster who covered a number of residents’ shrubbery in pink 4-ply toilet paper. The prankster was never apprehended, and the pranks stopped as mysteriously as they began. The sergeant’s house was the final home to be targeted, but even that did not bring closure to the case.

“He was so kind, and he came out personally to make sure I was alright, after that dreadful prankster covered all our topiary in that horrible pink,” Mrs. Van Holten said. “Though he never was able to tell us who would do such a thing, he was able to assure me that I was safe, even while my husband was overseeing preparations on our new property, so that we might live in a home befitting our station.”

Were it not for this great unsolved case, Chief Molinson’s legacy would be flawless. Crime in Sleepyside was on the rise when Chief Molinson joined the police force, with significant spikes in both grand and petty theft, as well as fraud. Many attributed this spike to the rapid growth in mean income at that time, brought about by the relocation of Matthew Wheeler, of Wheeler International Corporation, to Sleepyside-on-Hudson from New York City, as well as Edward Lynch’s sudden rise in the town’s most well-known rags-to-riches legend. However, while the mean income has continued to increase throughout Chief Molinson’s tenure, crime rates in all major categories have fallen for two consecutive decades.

“He always came right away, and listened, even to Trixie’s craziest theories, before trying to tell her to leave it to the police,” Robert Belden said, recalling his sister’s earliest investigations.

Residents who wish to express their gratitude for Chief Molinson’s twenty-five years of service are invited to a reception at city hall at three o’clock in the afternoon on Monday, or to donate to the Police Department’s officer support fund.